I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
