Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize