I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Randomize
