she looked like the bat from fern gully.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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