To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
