Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
