New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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