If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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