Apparently you make a good broom.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
