idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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