I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
