Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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