I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
