hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
3 2 1 whiskey
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
