We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I need to stop coming to work sober
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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