Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
