do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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