Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
