I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
false alarm, still single
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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