I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
