need another drink. this is the easiest way
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
