i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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