That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize