I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
