I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
