Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
