Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
