Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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