I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
