At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
