You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also, beer. Big fan.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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