He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
