my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
