You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Pants are for mortals
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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