why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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