Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
