I cockslap morals
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
