I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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