there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Two words: blizzard sex
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
