Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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