mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
