I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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