I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
