dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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