I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
That reminds me...we need to get swords
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
