I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
