where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
