Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
