3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
