3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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