I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
