my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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