By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
