I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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