your room smells of hookers.
And success
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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