I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
