you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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