D3 body, D1 cock
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
