i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize