i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
