So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
