Say something about gay babies.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I supernannyed him into submission
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize