No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
