sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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