Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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