my mouth tastes like poor choices
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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