She's JV to your varsity
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
