The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
