Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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