We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
