Don't make out with my wife yet
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
