what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How does one acquire holy water?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize