lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
