Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
