It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
