dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
