There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
