how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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