I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
