I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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