happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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