I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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