i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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