He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
