There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
