Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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