Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
