dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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