I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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