quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How does it feel to date your dad?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
