I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize