Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
