My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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