absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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