She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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