If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
