wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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