Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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