I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize