No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
ttyl tear gas
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
