Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
