2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I need a beard to bite.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize