he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
